He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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