it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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