I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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