Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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