I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
