did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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