You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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