watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize