Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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