I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
