there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
