woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
