I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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