so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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