No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
