he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
