You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
