smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
