they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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