I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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