You're a womanizer and a bitch.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
