and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
