The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that