im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
