I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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