so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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