I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
50% drunk capacity currently
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All the doctor said was why
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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