SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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