That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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