it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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