Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
