Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
