I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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