Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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