I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
