hotel room ftw
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
May the power of my ass compel you!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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