He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
