He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You took a bar mat shot.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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