Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
