tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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