I wish I could teleport
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if only i could text you this smell
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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