so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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