Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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