Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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