probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
