We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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