The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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