the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
