I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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