I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
