that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
