I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
