Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
