we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
