Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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