Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
