Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
