naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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