So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
