pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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