I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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