im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
