I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
