he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
