Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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