I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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